It’s been a rough week at work, as our company tries to slim down for a new, and hopefully more profitable, future.
Many of my co-workers have lost their jobs. Fortunately, I’m not among them (though saying that raises the spectre of survivor’s guilt, which I’m unquestionably still feeling).
I say all this only as a precursor to my point: I’ve been preoccupied with work matters of late, and as a result, my ability to focus on other issues of life has flagged.
It happens to the best of us. But it’s a time to be constantly reminded: My kids, and yours, don’t care what’s happening at our workplace. They REALLY don’t. I know, because when I’ve had the chance to see them, they’ve told me as much.
They want to know what’s for dinner. They want to know if they can watch SpongeBob SquarePants, or play their Nintendo DS, or ride their scooter in the garage, or affix tiny plastic jewels to the toilet paper dispenser.
And they want to know when you’ll be coming home tonight.
Earlier this month, Angie Holmes, a co-worker of mine, wrote a great post on tag-team parenting in her blog, Frumpfighter. She points out that in many cases, only one parent is home to care for their son Sage, because her schedule and that of her husband don’t always mesh. She usually works days, he often works nights. Her question: Does that arrangement really serve Sage well?
It’s a rhetorical question, of course. The answer is clearly no. But when work calls, we often have to answer. In my case, my wife often steps in (and I for her, on occasion), but it’s all too rare that we’re actually parenting in the same place at the same time.
And all the kids know is that Dad isn’t home yet. They’re not sure why, other than he’s still at work. And they miss me. At least I hope they do. There’ll come a day, I’m sure, when they won’t.
Do I have a solution? Certainly not. I’m not the first person, nor will I be the last, to raise the issue. But I’m becoming increasingly aware of it, and pushing for a solution.
I need my kids to remember me as I am at home, not as they imagine I am at work.
Nice post, Richard. I certainly was thinking of you guys when I wrote about tag-team parenting. Angie
Glad to hear you didn’t lose your job. And you’re totally right; kids don’t care about that kind of stuff. Work/life balance is HARD. It always feels like something is not getting enough attention.
Nice blogs Richard. You obviously have the right spirit for being a father, that’s wonderful. I offer a suggestion for what you ponder as you are very correct in your statements regarding the kids need Mom and Dad parenting together. One night a week, Family Home Evening, nobody schedules anything that night outside the home, not even the teens. Typically it works best to be Monday nights. (of course some flex is occasionally allowed as you may swap nights sometimes) You schedule each other. You sit down together, discuss important issues and calendar upcoming events, you share your values, read stories, play a game, have a special dessert, you allow your kids to see you and your spouse as a loving couple caring about family. You show that the entire unit is important to you both. Not only is this important to the kids but good for the marriage as well. This allows you a foreground to discuss issues such as drugs, sex, violence, college, religion, strangers, family, morals, values, whatever is age appropriate and an important concern for you and your spouse. The kids will learn in a preventive format. Family members can take turns planning the evening activities and preparing the treats etc. It’s been a very successful plan for even the active modern family. Good Luck with all you do.
Like many people, I too had to try to balance work and home for many years. It is very hard for children to understand why a parent isn’t there when they need them.
I did turn to running my own home-based business which allows me to be more flexible with family. Sometimes this is possible, and other times it isn’t. Not everyone is cut out to run a business and they don’t want to have the responsibility or time requirement.
Many people have found a home-based business to be an answer for them.