A snow mountain in a Hy-Vee parking lot in Sioux City. (AP)
Dear Old Man Winter,
We get the joke.
Oh, we understand all the “weather outside is frightful” stuff. You’ve made your point — and pretty emphatically, too, I might add.
You’ve brought us plenty of snow this season, thanks. We embraced that winter wonderland thing for about a week, just long enough to ensure a white Christmas. We appreciated it. Really, we did.
But you just didn’t know when to stop, do you? Look, for all the snow you’ve brought us this year, we really haven’t enjoyed much of it. No full-out snowball fights, no monumental snowmen, no igloos, no heavenly snow angels. We haven’t even been sledding this year. NOT ONCE, dangit. Your snow has either been too talcum-powder dry (like last week) or just too freakin’ MUCH (like a few weeks ago).
And that’s to say nothing of the sun-less days and biting winds. I mean, really. Can’t envision Currier and Ives scenes when everything has the pallor of soggy wool socks and the sting of rubbing alcohol on a sunburn.
I mean, you’re supposed to be fun for kids of all ages, right? Not hearing many squeals of delight around our house lately.
And now we’re getting the gloomy, sun-less stuff. Even when you thaw just a little, you can’t let us have even a glimmer of shiny hope, can you?
This isn’t the first year we’ve had this discussion, either. Remember the ice storms of two years ago (the one that brought a tree branch through our roof)? Ring a bell? And how about the snow avalanches of 2008-09? It’s deja vu all over again, dude, and we’re not down with it.
Seems this is what global warming’s all about — that winters can actually be harsher. I think that Gore fellow’s on to something. (I prefer the term “climate change,” actually. A little less misleading.)
Here’s the deal, Winter Guy. We’ve had our little fling. It’s over. I’ve found another season to love. The thrill is gone.
Sing it, Terry:
Nothing personal, Winter. You’ve just overstayed your welcome.
I’m sure we’ll get over it, and welcome you back in December. For a week or two, at least. But for now — time to hit the road, Jack Frost. We get the joke. It’s just not funny any more when you keep telling it over, and over, and over.
Sincerely,
The Pratt family, the state of Iowa, and most of the northern United States
cc: Mother Nature
That Dad 